Awkward Moments

My mother and I were at a friend's house dropping off a gift or what not. As we were saying hello, their telephone began ringing. Problem was, the phone was cordless and most likely hidden between the cushions of their couch. As it rang she and her husband searched and searched throughout the house and... finally... they found the phone but it was too late. The caller had disconnected before they had time to answer the phone.

(Now, for a little low-down on this couple, although very sweet - I have yet to find life of a sense of humor in either one of them.)

She huffed and he shook his head with great disappointment as they gazed upon that burdensome phone. My mother, trying to lighten the situation, said - "You know, someday they're going to invent a phone attached to the wall. Then you won't have to break a sweat every time you have to answer the phone."

Knowing that my mother was making a joke, I began to giggling as did she. Our friends, on the other hand, stared at Mom as if she was an absolute idiot. I couldn't believe they actually took her literally! The room became awkwardly silent, except for my attempts to hold back a laugh.

Mom turned to me and said, "Well! I guess it's time to go!"

We said our goodbyes and bolted to the car before they could hear us laugh even harder.


PS

I'm so thankful to be in a family that can laugh at themselves under any circumstance.

Here's some of my favorite awkward moments in life... Although most are not my own, I just want to point them out.

Tyra Banks
(and her show)

Ashely's faux pas on SNL
(don't forget the Orange Bowl either)

Such as Miss Teen South Carolina
“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.”
Wow...

Ok, here's a moment that has definitely happened to me. Very Awkward..

Can't forget Elaine... My Hero.

And then there was the time I was trying to get a picture of "Heed." His father caught me...

Daddy and the Caddy

My father used to have this '93 Cadillac DeVille that he just thought was the greatest boat - Excuse me! I mean Car, there ever was. We (my brother, my sister and I) were barely allowed to even eat in the caddy let alone drink, sneeze, cough, or breathe in it's presence. Now that I'm older, I somewhat understand him not wanting an 8-year-old eating french fries with ketchup in his beloved car. A few weeks ago, my nephew spilled a snow cone in my own backseat, and I was reminded of my father. However, snow cones would have never been an option with him. Smart.

But what really reminded me of the good ol' caddy days was Dad's famous words, "Can you slam the door any harder!?!"

We were used to "Junkers" - (translation: automobiles usually worth 10, maybe 20 cents). If you didn't slam your door, your body would most likely be thrown from the vehicle just as soon as the door flew open as you were sailing down the highway.

One afternoon, when Dad was taking Taylor, Lindsay, and I to Wherever, America; we hopped in the car, shut the doors, and here it came:
"Can you slam the doors any harder!?! My goodness!"

Each one of us reopened our doors and simultaneously slammed the them shut with all our might!
Neither Taylor, Lindsay, nor I knew that each of us was going to do the exact same thing at the exact same time. Our eyes were filled with shock! We couldn't believe that actually happened! Of course, we all began laughing so hard we were in the floorboard, except for Dad. He just stared at us, fiercely trying not to smile; therefore, he managed to pull off this awkward expression of deep disappointment, which made us laugh even more.

Hi, my name is Harry Pitts.

Can you imagine being named "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii"? Yes, this is true. A nine-year-old girl from New Zealand was named this by her weirdo parents.

Click here to read the full story.

I am not against unique names. My life revolves around being creative, and I applaud those who think outside of the box. But... naming your child "Fish and Chips" is stepping outside of one box and jumping into another. This is the box of "INSANITY".

Now, I don't mean to judge harshly; I just feel sorry for the poor kids. They're too embarrassed to even tell their friends their own name. And I'm not talking about people like my dad. He goes by his middle name not just because of a family tradition, but also because he hates his first name - Howard. This is not a horrible name though, maybe just a little out dated.

Like I said before, I like different and unique names, even to the point where my family thinks I'm weird. For instance, I don't think Talula is horrible. Actually, I really like it.
Let's also examine the name Apple. I didn't think that Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband Chris Martin were insane for choosing such a name (and I'm not saying this just because I'm a huge Coldplay fan!). It's not a name I would probably use but it's their life, and I really don't think Apple is ever going to be picked on - no pun intended (especially with having a superstar mother and a rock star father. Think about it).

Basically what I'm saying here... is be creative not cruel and stupid.

Lindsay's hand is as soft as a.... Jelly Jar?

My sister Lindsay stayed with my grandparents for the summer after she graduated high
school.

At dinner time, we always hold each others hands, bow our heads, and Big Daddy (my grandfather) prays. Lindsay was sitting next to him one evening and laid out her hand for him to take, but he never did. As he prayed, Lindsay opened her eyes and saw he had his hand around the spoon in the jelly jar.

She did her best contain her laughter until the prayer was over and then asked, "Big Daddy. Did you realize you were holding the spoon in the jelly jar rather than my hand?"

Big Daddy's response: "I thought your hand was cold!"

Picture This

I found this on Skybag's and Sea-gal's Blogs.... I thought it would be fun.

#1. What is your current relationship status?

#2. What is your current mood?

#3. Who is your favorite band/singer?

#4. What is your favorite movie?

#5. What pets do you have?

#6. Where do you live?

#7. Where do you work?

#8. Who do you look like? (or so I'm told)

#9. What do you drive?

#10. What did you do last Saturday?

#11. What did you do last Sunday?

#12. What is your favorite network TV show?

#13. Describe yourself

#14. What is your favorite candy?

Spoonerisms

Ever heard of Spoonerisms?

Believe it or not there is a name for those incorrigible tongue twisters.

A spoonerism is a play on words in which corresponding consonants, vowels, or morphemes are switched. It is named after the Reverend William Archibald Spooner, Warden of New College, Oxford, who was notoriously prone to this tendency. -Wikipedia.com

For example:

"The Lord is a shoving leopard" ("loving shepherd")

"It is kisstomary to cuss the bride" ("customary to kiss")

"Mardon me, padam, this pie is occupewed. Can I sew you to another sheet?" (Pardon me, madam, this pew is occupied. Can I show you to another seat?")

and one of my personal favorites....

"Let us glaze our a**es to the queer old Dean" ("Let us raise our glasses to the dear old queen")

Can you imagine a Reverend standing for a group people and shouting that across the room?

Most everyone as been a victim of spoonerisms at least once in their life.

Names are a common problem with me.

Jim and Kosh - Dear friends of the family. I've known them practically my whole life. Or at least Josh and Kim have known me my whole life.

Then there's my coworkers Jeau and Boseph. They share an office right across the hall from me. Most people refer to them as Beau and Joseph, but not me. No sir.

The list could go on, but what I'm really blogging about my latest spoonerism .

My family and I were enjoying a nice home-cooked dinner and discussing the latest happenings within our on daily lives.
My mother and I were telling of the wonderful food we experienced in New York City. Mom had this delicious dish that I couldn't remember the name of. It was several kinds of cheeses raped in a crap. That's right... I said, "Raped in a crap." Isn't that the greatest topic to be discussed at the dinner table? What I meant to say was "Wrapped in a crepe."

Slang City for Dummies

I found this website that takes movie quotes and then translates them for I guess only the true idiots of this world to understand.

Here's a few from Napoleon Dynamite

Uncle Rico: Napoleon, you know we can't afford the fun pack. What, do you think money grows on trees in this family? Take it back! And get some Pampers for you and your brother while you're at it.

Translation:

Napoleon, you know we can't afford this variety package of small, individually wrapped snacks. Do you think this family is wealthy? Take it back! And get some diapers for you and your brother while you're doing that because you both still urinate in your sleep like children and dirty the bed.

How about this one?

Rex: First off, at Rex Kwan Do, we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times. Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan over here? Take a look at what I'm wearing, people. Do you think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearin' these bad boys?

First, at Rex Kwan Do (martial arts school), we use the "buddy system" where students work in pairs. You will not be alone. You need somebody watching out for you against danger at all times. Secondly, you're going to learn to discipline your image. Do you think I got where I am today because I dressed in an effeminate way, like Kip over here? Take a look at what I'm wearing, people. Do you think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these impressive and manly pants (which look like the American flag)?

I've been enjoying these so much that I'm beginning to annoying everyone at work. When they say something, I'll yell behind them, "Translation!!!" and then proceed to explain exactly what they just said with more simplistic words.

Here's another one from The Lion King...

Simba: Hey Uncle Scar, when I'm King, what'll that make you?
Scar: A monkey's uncle.
Simba: You're so weird.
Scar: You have no idea.

Translation!!!!

Simba: Hey Uncle Scar, when I'm King, what'll that make you?
Scar: The uncle of someone low and worthless.
Simba: You're so strange.
Scar: You have no idea how strange I am.

Take a look at - Slang City

The Washington Jefferson Square Park

My Mother and I took a trip to NYC back in May. I'm a huge fan of the Yankees, and if you know baseball at all, you'll know that this is their last season in The House that Ruth Built. Not only did we take in a game, but we also explored the city until our legs gave out.

One of the Parks I just had to go to was the Washington Square Park. I've dreamed of seeing the Washington Arch since I was a little girl, and I just couldn't go to NYC and not see it. However, when we arrived at the park, most of it was under construction. I barely saw any of it. Although I did see this guy, sleeping on the grass. I thought it was funny.


As we studied the great arch, my mother looked to the pillar on the right and said, "Well that's definitely George Washington. I wonder who the man is on the left? It must be Thomas Jefferson."

With a look of complete confusion I said, "Well... it's called the Washington Square Arch. So, I'm assuming it's George Washington also. I mean, they could have put Thomas Jefferson on the George's arch, I guess. But it would probably be called the Washington Jefferson Square Park then."

"Oh my goodness," she said. "I can't believe I just said that. You'll never let me live that down will you?"

"That's right, Mom. I will never forget this."